Supporting Friends and Family

We all want to be supportive when we realize that a friend or family member is overwhelmed by stress or emotions. When someone we care about is hurting, we should find out how to help. The pandemic has increased our stress. Many of us have become more isolated, which is concerning because isolation adds another layer of stress to our lives. Isolation has been linked to depression, anxiety, emotional and physical health issues, and even increased mortality. We are a social species and isolation takes much of the joy out of our lives, while eroding our physical and emotional health. Supporting family and friends while becoming more vigilant for signs of isolation and depression has become increasingly important. Actively supporting friends and family makes a difference in all of our lives. Research shows that social support is associated with good mental health while serving as a buffer against stress and decreasing our vulnerability to disease and post-traumatic stress!

Be vigilant for signs of distress in family and friends. Here are suggestions about how you might communicate concern to a friend or family member in distress.

First, let your friend or family member know that you are concerned that they may be distressed and need support.

“I have noticed you seem upset or stressed and it worries me because you look like you are really hurting. Your health and well-being matter to me.”

“What can I do to support you? How can I help?

If their response validates your fear that they are having problems:

“I am concerned about you…. Do you want to talk about it?”

“I do not want to leave you alone. Are you okay?” 

“What can I do?” “I want to help.”

Second, actively listen as they share their feelings or tell you about their situation.

Rules for listening: Gently position yourself so that you are directly in front of them. Give them signs that you are listening, such as making direct eye contact.

Assure them you are hearing that life is difficult for them right now.

Avoid being judgmental or telling them what they should do. Focus on supporting them as they share with you in the present moment.

“I hear you saying……”

 “I hear you feel……”

 “Can I do anything?

Third, assure them that they could feel better. Things can improve. There is hope! But they do need to communicate with others.

Let them know you want to help them get to a better place. That you care.

Do they have ideas about how to take action? Where can they get support?

“Does talking about it help?  (while nodding your head)

“Reaching out for support and communicating your needs will help.” 

Finally, OFFER TO HELP.

“I want to support you. What can I do?”

“Who else can support you?”

“May I give you my cell phone number?”

Check for Self-Harm.  

(Just in case!) Are they thinking of hurting themselves? If they are thinking about hurting themselves or make concerning statements about “ending all of their problems” do not leave them alone. Call a relative. Call an ambulance. Get them to an emergency room.

Do not be afraid to ask.