Supporting Friends and Family

We all want to be supportive when we realize that a friend or family member is overwhelmed by stress or emotions. When people we care about are hurting find out if there is anything you can do to help. The pandemic has increased our stress. Many of us have become more isolated. This is problematic because isolation just adds yet another layer of stress to our lives as isolation is associated with depression, anxiety, emotional and physical health problems, and increases mortality. We are a social species and isolation takes much of the joy out of our lives ….while eroding our physical and emotional health. Supporting family and friends and becoming more vigilant for signs of isolation and depression has become increasingly important. Actively supporting friends and family makes a difference in all our lives; research shows that social support is associated with good mental health while serving as a buffer against stress and decreasing our vulnerability to disease and post-traumatic stress!

Be vigilant for signs of distress in family and friends. Here are suggestions about how you might communicate concern to a friend or family member in distress ….

First, let your friend or family member know you are concerned that they may be distressed and need support.

“I have noticed you seem upset or stressed and it worries me because you look like you are really hurting. Your health and well-being  matter to me.”

“What can I do to support you? How can I help?

If their response validates your fear that they are having problems….

“I am concerned about you…. Do you want to talk about it?”

“I do not want to leave you alone. Are you okay?” 

“What can I do?” “I want to help.”

Second, actively listen as they share their feelings or tell you about their situation.

Rules for listening…….Gently position yourself so that you are directly in front of them. Make direct eye contact. Give them signs that you are listening.

Assure them you understand that life is difficult for them right now.

Do not be judgmental. Do not tell them what they should do. Your goal is to  support their talking to you in the present moment.

“I hear you saying……”

            “I hear you feel……”

            “Can I do anything?

Third, assure them that they could feel better. Things can improve. There is hope!  But they do need to communicate with others.

Let them know you want to help them get to a better place. You care.

Do they have ideas about how to take action? Where can they get support?

“Does talking about it help?  (while nodding your head)

            “Reaching out for support and communicating your needs will help.” 

Finally….OFFER TO HELP

“I want to support you. What can I do?”

“Who else can support you?”

“May I give you my cell phone number?”

Check for Self-Harm.  

(Just in case!) Are they thinking of hurting themselves? If they are thinking about hurting themselves or talk about  “ending all their problems” do not leave them alone. Call a relative. Call an ambulance. Get them to an emergency room.

Do not be afraid to ask.